i wish i was dead

i_luv_benjimore @ 2006-05-07T12:07:00

2006-05-07T04:11:46Z

i have been very bad with this diet thingy,

i have had very little to eat and been doing even less exercise...
but on the upside i have been drinking lots of water,
but i have been really sick because i have a cold that has been really bad because i have a weak immune system

and i found out i have low white blood cells, ui think thats the immune system blood cells

ok im gonna shut up now because im not making any sense

i_luv_benjimore @ 2006-05-01T10:13:00

2006-05-01T02:37:38Z

ok so yesturday i had,

1L and 200 mls of water

a bowl of all - bran (around) 81 cals
4 rice crackers 88cals
a stick of celery (around) 17 cals
thats 186

yesturday i burned
i walked for 1/2 an hour 175cals
i did wieght lifting for 1 1/2h 325 cals
i slept for 9 hours 567 cals (i think)
i sat for 4h (approx) 280cals (i think(im not to good at maths))
so in total thats 1337 cals burned

i_luv_benjimore @ 2006-04-27T12:13:00

2006-04-27T04:21:03Z

im soooo happy at the moment,
i just talked to my best friend,
and ryan,
and now i dont feel homesick,

claire..... i miss you...

second mum i miss you,
second dad i miss you too...

i need sleep....

my mum bought me these awesome boots... i love them so much

i_luv_benjimore @ 2006-04-16T12:41:00

2006-04-16T04:43:15Z

just like 'you' and 'mee' when it is misspelled.

Homophobia and You:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Repost this if you realize homophobia is wrong.

i_luv_benjimore @ 2006-04-16T12:11:00

2006-04-16T04:15:20Z

o.m.g.
i just remembered.
mr andrijch (i cant spell his name)was in a car crash,
and now,
hes in a critical condition,
he has a punctured lung and may not live,
i found out before everyone because my aunty teena saw it.

so yeahs, im going...

lots of luff

i_luv_benjimore @ 2006-04-16T11:39:00

2006-04-16T03:51:58Z

grrr... why dont guys ever get the hint..

max he keeps asking me out,
and i keep telling him i love jason and would never cheat on him,
grr but he keeps asking,
i just want him to fuck off and leave me alone

i love jason so much,
he listens to me,
he is the only person i have told about...
things that i've been through.
and he doesnt try to analise me,
he doesnt tell me what i need to do,
he doesnt tell me that i need help
he just sit there and listens
and when im feeling depressed he just holds me,
and i love him so much.

his family loves me,
his brother luke picks me up from my house at 11.30pm,
when my family is asleep,
and then he gets up early to drive me back home,
before anyone finds out,
just so i can spend the night with jason,
luke calls me little gothic girl

his sister jule and i get along so well,
when i first met her,
we dressed jason up as a girl,
we put make up on him,
and then sent him to the shop,
we followed behind him in the car,
laughing our heads off.

his parents steve and lisa,
they are undescribable,
they are so nice to everyone,
they treat me as part of their family,
i told them about my parents not knowing about jason,
and explained why,
and they understand,
them said that its fine with them,
and if im still with him in 5yrs time,
when the deal is off,
they would love to meet my family,

ok i feel so much better now....
besides me apartently having post natal depression,
stupid phsyc doesnt know anything

i_luv_benjimore @ 2006-03-30T12:35:00

2006-03-30T04:47:58Z

stupid work studies, stupid class, stupid people, stupid work, stupid clothes,

while im on the topic of stupid, my mum want me to go to a mental hospital /or/ see the psyc 3 times a week, that.is.not.healthy.

why doesnt some one just kill me now???

maybe if i walk down the middle of the street a truck will run me over?
or the truck driver will kill me for being such an annoying whinging little bitch!!!

argh... sure there are things that no -one knows about besides david and jason (i love you guys so much... you mean the world to me), but do i have to be so self absorbed, i feel like such a bad person, i listen to other peoples problems all the time, i think i deserve time to break down and cry to my boys, but afterwards i feel so... bad,
even though i know jason and david dont mind because we have gone throygh the same things and because jasons my boyfriend and he loves me and wants to help me sort out my life, feelings and to get over my past

look at me ..... for fucks sake im doing it again,

thats it im going to listen to my music and get called emo by the guys oppiste me.... stupid fuck tards... im not emo

i_luv_benjimore @ 2006-03-29T17:27:00

2006-03-29T09:31:42Z

lol i should really update this more often.... well i have to go.. lol
this was really short...

i love everyone (because imn depressed and am trying to cover it up by acting happy... could you tell??)

i_luv_benjimore @ 2006-02-16T17:50:00

2006-02-16T10:00:24Z

how can one person cause so much pain without even realising?

to _________

do you know how much pain i am in?? do you know how much you have hurt me?? do you know how much i love you?? ... why is this so hard?, we are ment to be in love not fighting all the time,

i often wonder if we should end this, if i should move on and leave you inj the past where you cant hurt me anymore, but everytime i do i hate myself for thinking like that. you dont know what you are doing your not doing it on purpose, it my fault, i always do this, i love and trust people so much and then they do something and i end up in the corner crying and asking myself why i dont just cut myself off from every one. and then someone comes along and cheers me up again, but then they turn out to be fake. then i hate them for it. then i realise i am fake. i act happy so people dont know how much pain i am in, i keep myself locked up so no one can hurt me... that fails... it doesnt matter that they dont know the real me they still seem to be able to hurt me so much that i end up in the corner staring at the blade on my bedside table.

why do i keep doing this to myself??

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-12-21T12:20:00

2005-12-21T04:30:35Z

hmmm ... wot can i talk about??

emo guys r fuking hot.... so are goths and punks.....

lol... im talking to a really hot emo guy with 2 lip piercings.... he is soooo hot!!!!!!!

i really need to update this more often

oh im grounded coz we went to midland... lol... i didnt tell mumm that we went to maylands to see mark.... we'll just keep that a secret...

mmmm.. brock is sooo hot!!!... i love his piercings!!!

stupid mum... grounding me till christmas!!!! the next day we were going to get drunk and go down to see brock again... it would have bin awesome but no we have to get busted!!

grrr some one shoot her!!! she's soo

grrrt... i have to go... love all

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-12-07T14:47:00

2005-12-07T06:45:37Z

lol....... i feel like laughing.... im in a good mood today... i've made 2 deviants and i have another one that i want to do but i cant because 1) i havent got enough time and 2) im in the wrong room.... so i have to wait until.... janurary?? argggh i cant wait that long!!!!!!!!!... i'll forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*cries*

yeah i guess i should stop now... i want to go home

i want to come to school tomorrow instead of going to see dad!!!!! (so i can make the deviant... it'll be so cool..... its gonna have all of the awesome pics and then some where i'll put... "hearing voices??" i have all of the pics i need.... damn i wish i went to computer graphics instead of it!!!my spikey braclet is cutting off my circulation!!!

i g2g... love you all

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-11-23T14:38:00

2005-11-23T06:32:35Z

i havent posted 4 sooo long!!!!

lol... theres this guy i met in a chat room and he keeps on calling me baby... its sweet....

*sigh* i have nothing 2 talk about

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-11-09T18:08:00

2005-11-09T10:35:42Z

mwahahahaha (thats my attempt at an evil laugh) im cheating on my home work... i cant b fuked riting out 4poems...

im feeling much betta since my last post,, but no doubt that will change... it always does... ur happy 4 a couple of days then sumting happens and ur bac where u started... meh.. u just gotta take it as it comes...

brb.. gotta copy down a poem

arrgh......... i now hate poems........... im sooo tired. i need my guitar... i feel restless... will sum1 plz turn on the fans!????!

brb gotta get another poem

finally i've finished.............
\
chalice.. hurry up and cum on line... ok that could sound wrong..

man i hav nuthin 2 do.... im soo bored.......

i just realised that i have a lot of enters in my entries!!!!

its 6 :27 pm.... mum wont get here till 7....

danm i hav 2 c my dad on sunday..... lol i spelt damn wrong....

im gonna do a quiz... wot piercing r u.... i did it b4 but i cant remember wot i got

this time i got....lip 100
dirty 100
cartilage 90
tounge 90
labret 90
nipples 80
belly button 60
earlobe 50
nose 0

You scored as Lip Piercing. You little punkass kid, get off my freaking lawn! And stop making the rent-a-cops chase after you in the mall! And stop smoking pot during lunch! Youth these days...

</td>

Dirty Piercings

100%

Lip Piercing

100%

Cartilage Piercing

90%

Tongue Piercing

90%

Labret Piercing

90%

Nipples

80%

Belly Button Piercing

60%

Earlobe Piercing

50%

Nose Piercing

What Piercing Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

duh im fuking stupid... it shows the percentages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hsdfkjsgdjkbsrkjlhhhhhhhejlhjdhfgjcejvoefpvedjr

skitwallyisk jamamas

i wanna pat ur jamama's (inside joke)

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-11-07T14:41:00

2005-11-07T06:42:59Z

kill me already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok is it just me or is everything really crappy at the moment????????
i miss chloe and my 2nd family...... i miss my dad.... i miss tristan (and i always will).... i miss beau (cant believe i just sed that)..... i miss my old school, my old friends.......... why does my life suk???

i feel heaps paranoid bout everthing.... chay's being a bitch (wot new) fuking cunt.... ROTT IN HELL YOU PRIK!!!!!
man i cant wait til i get out of my house... my family plan my life 2 much... i no they r doing it coz they love me but they r way 2 ova protective... wot if i dont want 2 live wit aunty terrie and mark?? did they ever consider that????\

i hate sckool i hate my life i hate me

those of you who think im going on about nothing, fuk u, u dont know my home life... i keep my home and skool seperate so u dont get suked into it

i want every1 2 leave me alone................................................................

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-11-02T18:05:00

2005-11-02T10:10:57Z

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!

I found a site promoting benji and tony's love... its soooo cute.... i found pic of benji holding a piece of paper saying " i love tony" and then i found 1 of tony holding 1 sayin "i love benji"..... how cute.....my future husband is gonna b bi!!!!!! with tony!!!!!!.... they r soo cute 2 gether!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....im only gonna share benji wit tony......
they look so cute when they hug and stufff......

im soo happy

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-10-14T14:28:00

2005-10-14T06:31:23Z

wow its been so long since ive posted.

i went to the simple plan concert on tuesday, it was fuking awesome, claire and i were one of davids points in the audience, it was so much fun

and i now love thursdays because chay and axel have hockey and at hokey theres alex this really hot emo guy. he is sooooooooo hottt. and he asked for my numbeer

hopeful;ly mum lets me go to the church dance with claire and then into perth the next day. i really want to meet pau l and richie..... i really want to go shoppping. the tacher is standing behind me now so i gotta go

bye love me

(miranda)

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-09-23T13:15:00

2005-09-23T05:17:10Z

dance is soooooooo boring!!!!!!

i feel special because iv'e got friends *dont say anything*

i joined a lee harding sie and now i have more friends that i dont know anything about
they r probably chid melestors *sp* or sumthing

i really like sach and tristen and benji and the most embarrasing thing happened the other day, claire fi and i were walking past sach's tute and claire said "look miranda there's sach" and the window was open. i was so fucking embaressed and my cover uo wasn't that good either

"sach who's sach? claire who's sach" in a really high pitched voice

oh the shame

anywayz i gotta go

p.s. yayayayay i have friends that email me and talk 2 me on the message board

im gonna b in a band

2005-09-07T09:23:01Z

claire and i worked out today what we r gonna do when we finish school. we are gonna move to toranto (canada) as a band and do gigs and stuff and become famous and meet good charlotte and simpleplan and all the rest of our favourite bands and yayayayayayayayay this gonna b so much fun

im gonna take up guitar lessons and become the lead guitarist (im cant spell)and we need other members, but they need to b serious out moving to toranto and potentiallly ruining their lives. we need to find a singer, drummer and a rythme guitarist. man i cant wait, only 2 more years!!!!!!!

i have to start saving up. i need to get a job. i need to kill the fat mole. i need to sectertly take guitar lessons (my mum doesn\t want to pay the money for something i won't commit 2. but i will i am dead serious about this) i need to marry benji. i need to hook claire up with david and i need to soooo many things.

i really want to go to the simple plan concert. ever since i heard that they were doing a private show i wanted to go. and then my dad said that he would buy me a ticket for my bday and then he waits to long so if he did buy a ticket we'd be up the back behind a pole.

yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayyayayayay im gonna be in a band!!!~!!!!

on monday we had a mediation session with the chaplin. it was shit. she was so fucking biased.
she put most of the blame on claire (a little bit on the rest of us(excluding jacinta)). it was annoying. she made it seem like jacinta was the victom, like she had done nothing wrong!!!!! what a loud of crap. jacinta deserves everything she get. arhhh i hate her so much!!! and now eimmie is her friend wtf!!! has she forgottenthat jacinta flirted with her boyfriend and bitches about every1 behind their backs!?!

I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGISE (I CANT SPELL!!!) TO FI AND CLAIRE. I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU. IM SORRY

i hated jacinta and amy helm coz they are both fat ugly moles!!!!!!!!

go eat some ice cream!!!

sorry angela but i really don't like her. and forget about amy she doesn't deserve to have you as a friend. love ya

dear eimmie,
what the hell are you doing hanging around and being friens with jacinta for??!!
i'm not gonna force to not be her friend but i will remind you that SHE WILL HURT YOU AGAIN

from miranda

dear amy helm,
i hate you so much. if you hate ang for watching someone go through your bag then you are an idiot. ang is one of the nicest people i know and to be angry ova such a petty thing, arggg i want to strangle you!!!! you need to watch what you do to people coz u don't have enough friends to treat them like shit!!!
now go eat some icecream

from miranda

p.s. you upset angela and you'll regret it (no im not going to bash you, im just gonna make your life hell)

hey claire,
look iv'e written a lot and it wasn't just...jibberish (hehehe wot a funny word)

love from me (non lezbinic (itz my new word))

bye

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-09-02T18:17:00

2005-09-02T10:17:33Z

You scored as Minority - Green Day. You are "Minority" by Green Day. You are your own person, and enjoy standing out in a crowd. You stand for what you believe in, and tend to be a stubborn but compassionate person.

</td>

Cute without the 'E' - Taking Back Sunday

95%

Minority - Green Day

95%

Save Me - Unwritten Law

90%

Work - Jimmy Eat World

85%

Feeling This - Blink 182

85%

Too Far Gone - All American Rejects

75%

Buried a Lie - Senses Fail

65%

Home - Three Days Grace

65%

You're So Last Summer - Taking Back Sunday

60%

You know what they do to guys like us in prison - My Chemical Romance

60%

Helena - My Chemical Romance

55%

The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

45%

Burnout - Green Day

20%

What emo/rock song are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

i couldn't help myself

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-09-02T17:33:00

2005-09-02T09:34:16Z

You scored as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Congratulations! You are obsessive-compulsive! You know nothing curbs images of mutilating your mother like a good counting/checking/washing ritual... wait, DID you forget to turn off the stove???

</td>

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

67%

Schizophrenia

58%

Antisocial Personality Disorder

58%

Borderline Personality Disorder

58%

Unipolar Depression

50%

Eating Disorders

50%

Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com

that was the last quiz i swear... if u want 2 read my story u'll hav 2 scroll down

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-09-02T17:28:00

2005-09-02T09:28:47Z

You scored as Accident. You will probably die from a accident, like a car crash, a failed stunt or you missed the net when trapezing. Oh, that's a failed stunt. Anyway, be more careful your life is on the stake. (Sorry there isn't a picture, I didn't have the guts to search 'accident' on Google Image Serach.)

</td>

Eaten

100%

Suicide

100%

Accident

100%

Stabbed

93%

Posion

73%

Disease

67%

Cut Throat

53%

Disappear

47%

Drowning

40%

Gunshot

40%

Suffocated

33%

Bomb

13%

Natural Causes

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

i\d neva kill myself but dying by accident or beindg eaten....possiable

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-09-02T17:21:00

2005-09-02T09:22:05Z

You scored as Goth.

</td>

Goth

88%

Athletic Tomboy

81%

Hippy

63%

Slut

63%

Popular Bitch

44%

Preppy Girl

13%

Loser

Nerdy Girl

What type of girl are you?!!
created with QuizFarm.com

I AM NOT A FUCKING GOTH!!!!!

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-09-02T17:17:00

2005-09-02T09:17:46Z

that so is not me!!!!!!!!!!. i like s8ers though and "punks"

i_luv_benjimore @ 2005-09-02T17:16:00

2005-09-02T09:16:40Z

You scored as Goth. Your A Goth!

</td>

Goth

95%

Skater

95%

Rocker, Mosher

90%

Chav, Townie, Rude Boy, Ned, Kev

70%

Emo

70%

Trendy

30%

Prepy

30%

What Group Are You? Chav, Rocker, Skater, Emo, Goth, Trendy, Prepy E.c.t
created with QuizFarm.com

hehehhe

2005-09-02T09:11:03Z

i don't no y but i feel like i've accomplished something. my friend hannah (hehe u can spell her name backwards) had a fight with one of her besties and they got back 2gether. i don't no y but it feels like i help even though i didn't.

i just wanted to share that.

i'm now gonna go and do some quizes

SACH IS SO HOTTTTTTT!!!!!

LEE IS SOO HOTTTTTTT!!@!!

BENJI IS SO HOTTTTTT!!!!